Oh, herro

J and I walk around a class encased building. Offices are scattered around and we navigate through an asymmetrical space. As we tour this office space there is movement detected outside the glass walls. Burgalers, theives, people with malicious intentions!

J and I race downstairs. He leads the way as he is more familiar with this business office. As we scramble around underground, the rooms we open are filled already with other people. We run into a narrow room filled with shelves from the floor to the ceiling. Empty shelves are conducive to climbing but not to hiding. I decide to take my place on top of a microwave placed above the doorway and J takes a place on the shelve to the right. We both turn off our cellphones and get ready to wait out the storm.

As we sit there J begins to talk. He talks rather loudly and I have to continually remind him to keep it to a whisper. Yet even after repeated suggestion that we not talk until after the trouble blows over he continues going on about rock climbing, and how awesome it is. Soon I see a light appear underneath me as the door is opened. I frantically motion to J that the attackers are here and that he should stop talking but it is too late. All I see are arms grabbing his arms and legs and with an "uh-oh" he is gone.

Frightened of being taken as well, I eye a shelf higher up on the wall and as I stretch out my arm to reach the ledge I ... open my eyes. And continue stretching in bed.

Art class panic attacks (oh, so angsty!)

During an art lecture about perspective depicted in artwork over time I had a thought flit across my mind. One that I hadn't had in a long time. What is going to happen when I die?

My life was, as a generous estimate, 1/5 over. More likely 1/4. Goodness these years have gone by quickly.

My mother, as a Jehovah's witness had me take bible study sessions early on Sunday mornings for a year or so. I figure that since I did not like spreading the word and telling other people about these sessions meant that I was not ready to become a Jehovah's witness or commit to anything religious at the time. In any case, Jehovah's witnesses believe that death is like a deep sleep where, after Jesus returns to rule over his new kingdom, we will all awaken and populate a prosperous and peaceful earth for all eternity. Religion is calming isn't it?

To me though, I see death as a death of consciousness. The only way I have ever experienced this world has been through my thoughts, my mind. When my mind goes what remains? Nothing - this very notion of nothingness is enough to shorten my breath.

I tried expressing this feeling to Y. While thoughtfully eating pad thai takeout he commented that perhaps I thought about this in such a manner because I am the type of person who looks forward to things. After all, what is there to look forward to after death?

Anyway, I guess for now I'm content to let this be. The thought really only lasted for all of 5 minutes before I had to run over to my Language and Culture class.

On a happier note - Sophomore year academics is going a bajillion times better than Freshman year.