Art class panic attacks (oh, so angsty!)

During an art lecture about perspective depicted in artwork over time I had a thought flit across my mind. One that I hadn't had in a long time. What is going to happen when I die?

My life was, as a generous estimate, 1/5 over. More likely 1/4. Goodness these years have gone by quickly.

My mother, as a Jehovah's witness had me take bible study sessions early on Sunday mornings for a year or so. I figure that since I did not like spreading the word and telling other people about these sessions meant that I was not ready to become a Jehovah's witness or commit to anything religious at the time. In any case, Jehovah's witnesses believe that death is like a deep sleep where, after Jesus returns to rule over his new kingdom, we will all awaken and populate a prosperous and peaceful earth for all eternity. Religion is calming isn't it?

To me though, I see death as a death of consciousness. The only way I have ever experienced this world has been through my thoughts, my mind. When my mind goes what remains? Nothing - this very notion of nothingness is enough to shorten my breath.

I tried expressing this feeling to Y. While thoughtfully eating pad thai takeout he commented that perhaps I thought about this in such a manner because I am the type of person who looks forward to things. After all, what is there to look forward to after death?

Anyway, I guess for now I'm content to let this be. The thought really only lasted for all of 5 minutes before I had to run over to my Language and Culture class.

On a happier note - Sophomore year academics is going a bajillion times better than Freshman year.